I was bored one day so I decided to write a story. This is only one tiny part of it so I know I need to add more detail and change it into paragraphs. Please don't be rude because I'm only 12 but answer honestly.
“Cassie!”my mother yelled. “Cassie wake up!” I pretended not to hear her and tried to go back to sleep. I was having a wonderful dream that was back in Chicago with all my friends and I wanted to get back to it. But I was unsuccessful. My mom charged into my room and turned on the light. “Cassie you better wake up this instant or you’ll be late for school, “she threatened. I groaned and practically fell out of bed. I was swamped. I had stayed up all night worrying about my first day of 7th grade and being in a new school. My parents had divorced when I was 3 and Mom and I have spent most of my life moving around. Dad wasn’t around much. He lived in Virginia with his new wicked wife, Diane, so it was just me and Mom. Our newest home was in Miami, Florida. I really kind of liked it here. There was sun, surf, and lived right by the beach. Plus there were a lot of hot guys roaming around. But it still wasn’t home. I looked over at the clock and realized what time it was. My mom was right. I was going to be late. I quickly threw on the outfit I had planned to wear the night before (a t-shirt that say Abercrombie and Fitch on it and a pair of jean shorts). I put on my blue converses and headed toward the bathroom. I yanked a brush through thick ,tangled ,brown hair my hair until it was smooth and hastily brushed my teeth. I quickly washed my face and put on my lucky bracelet. By the look of the mirror, I was presentable. Grabbing my book-bag, I walked into the kitchen where my mom was waiting for me. “You need to eat something,” Mom said. “There’s no time. I’m already late.”I replied. “Well at least eat this,” she said handing me a piece of toast. I accepted and nibbled on it before throwing it away. Mom looked at me, but let it go. She grabbed her keys and I followed her outside. We got into her Sedan and started to back out of the driveway. Oh God, I thought. What will it be like? Will I fit in? What if I embarrass myself in front of everyone. I tried to push these thoughts out of my head as we headed toward the school. I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach something bad was going to happen. I didn’t know until later that day how right I was. By the, I know it doesn't explain much in the first part but the story is supposed to be a girl who discovers she a faerie and has powers. She is one of the last of her kind and must save herself from the evil that is trying to kill her
For your age, this is great. However, you seem to immediately characterize Cassie and give us her whole life story in the first paragraph. Try slowly revealing details about your character and her background, preferable through indirect characterization (see link below for an explanation). Also, don’t feel the need to describe the brand of her outfit. It dates the piece.
This is good, though. Keep writing, and practice everyday! You’ll get better. =] Good luck!
http://www.fictionfactor.com/guests/characterization.html
Awww…..Sweetie thats good for a 12 year old. Does Cassie have a love life?Make you things and don’t give up!!
Cute, but quite generic. Alot of people write about having a bad first day of school at a new school. Try to be more original in the rest! Good for your age true but, try to make it different from other stories you have read! But most importantly HAVE FUN!!!
I really like it! I love hearing stories about the first day at a new school!
I’m sorry, but this has been done, done, and then done again. You’d have to put a really incredible spin on it to catch anyone’s intrest.